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9 Ways to Get Better at Setting Boundaries

  • November 1, 2024
  • Perseverance
Athletes

Dr. Deborah Gilboa headshot.Setting boundaries as a student-athlete may seem impossible given that you’re obligated to turn in that history report on the same day as playoffs while also juggling family commitments and college applications.

Setting boundaries is tricky because you have so many projects, obligations, and goals that you’re trying to balance. But it is doable.

Here, board-certified family physician and TrueSport Expert Deborah Gilboa, MD, is sharing a few simple ways to get better at setting boundaries that will actually stick and that will let you go after all of your big goals, just not all at the same time.

 

1. Understand the hard part about boundary setting

The idea of setting boundaries is difficult when you’re a student-athlete. Homework is due on certain days, practice and game times are set in stone, and yes, you could skip your friend’s birthday party so you have time to work on that report but your friendship may suffer as a result. So, how do you set boundaries when you don’t really have choices?

Gilboa agrees that this can be a huge challenge for athletes who don’t have a lot of control over their own schedules or workloads. Boundary setting, she says, is more about setting intentions and assessing your priorities, and then making the best decisions you can based on that information.

 

2. Boundary-setting isn’t simply about ‘saying no’ to things

“The biggest mistake we make about boundaries is assuming that setting a boundary means just saying no,” Gilboa says. “That’s too simplistic. That’s because saying yes to something is usually creating a no somewhere else. Every time you say yes to another team, another coaching session, another opportunity you’re trying out for, you’re saying no to video games or spending time with your friends or doing homework. Every time you say yes to something, you are saying no to something else. So, setting boundaries is not the skill of saying no. Setting boundaries involves two skills: The first is figuring out what your priorities are, and the second is aligning your choices to your priorities.”

 

3. Start by defining your priorities

In order to set a boundary, you need to know what your top priorities are. Often, when coaches or experts talk about priorities, they suggest that you should only have one priority. But for a student-athlete, this is unrealistic, says Gilboa. “While you’re at practice, your sport feels like it should be your top priority. But when you’re in your AP science class, that feels like it has to be the most important,” she says. “You can’t really choose one single priority. But you do need to get really honest with yourself about the short list of stuff that matters the most to you and ideally end up with around five top priorities. That list can include things like your sport, your family, your overall grades, your work on the school newspaper, and your friendships. And finally, your overall health should always be on your priority list, because if you aren’t prioritizing staying healthy, you won’t be able to hit any of your goals.”

 

4. Create your leaderboard

While your core priorities will always be in play, at certain points, you’ll need to focus on one more than the others. “You’ve got a starting set of priorities, and you’ll want to move those up and down the leaderboard depending on what season you’re in,” explains Gilboa. “Then, your decisions, your choices, and your actions should align with that list.”

 

5. Set the simple boundaries that you can maintain

Finger clicking "Do Not Disturb" on cell phone.While student-athletes can’t always change things like when reports are due or how the season is scheduled, you aren’t entirely without things you can control in your life. Gilboa suggests simple tweaks like setting hours where your phone is in Do Not Disturb mode (or leaving it in the living room when you go to bed) so that your friends and teammates won’t keep you up at night. You can also create simple routines like a specific breakfast that you eat every single morning to streamline how quickly you can get ready for early practice while still ensuring that you’re fueled for the work you’re doing. You may not be able to change the fact that practice starts at 7 a.m., but you can change how good you feel while you’re there.

 

6. Build credibility when you can

Boundaries are easier to set when your coaches, family, and teachers understand that you’re coming from a place of integrity. “Athletes can get creative during their off season when sport priority shifts further down the leaderboard,” says Gilboa. “When you’re not attending daily practice or missing classes to go to competitions, this is a great chance to get ahead in classes and build credibility with teachers by banking extra credit and letting them know that you’re committed to getting good grades. That way, when you do need to leave class early on game days, your teachers know that you’re serious about your academics and want to help you juggle those priorities.”

 

7. Learn how to ask for what you need

In line with building credibility with teachers, you can also ask teachers for what you need in order to achieve your priority of academic success, says Gilboa. “You have to ask for help. In anticipation of knowing you’ll miss a bunch of classes, do things like going to your own parent-teacher conference to explain your situation, then ask the teacher to work with you to make sure that you don’t fall behind. Often, they’re happy to help when they know that you care enough to ask.” The same is true for things like friendships: Your friends may not realize how busy you are, so explaining to them that you’re not readily available during your competitive season lets them know that you still care about the friendship—and helps them know how to best support you.

 

8. Know that your boundaries will shift continually

Boundaries are a moving target. “We tend to think of boundaries as something that’s permanent and definitive, but your boundaries will shift depending on what else is going on in your life,” says Gilboa. “Resilience is our ability to navigate change and when the playing field shifts, which happens every day in life, we have to be able to identify where the boundaries are on the new playing field.”

 

9. Do regular check-ins and reassessments

In order to know when those boundaries are about to shift, it can be helpful to revisit your priority leaderboard regularly, making sure that the top priorities still make sense for you, while also considering if there are firmer boundaries you need to set, hard conversations you need to have, or a request for help that you need to make.

_______________________

Takeaway

Setting boundaries as a student-athlete is a constant, evolving process. Your boundaries will change throughout the year, and even throughout the month. But the more you can identify your top priorities ahead of time, the easier it is to stick to your boundaries and achieve your goals.

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Goal-Setting Lesson Video Transcript

Hi. I’m Trevon, Trey, Jennifer. Team USA wheelchair basketball player, paralympian, and true sport athlete. Today, I want to talk to you about goal setting. And there are three things that I would like you to know. First, successful athletes set goals and a planned roadmap. Second, goals should be written down, assessed over time, and changed if necessary. And third, goals need to be challenging in order to be worthwhile. As a freshmen at Edinboro University, I was a part of a team that made the national championship game. And at that time I recognized I was the low man on the totem pole, but I felt in my heart that I knew my dreams were so much bigger than winning a national title. I wanted to make Team USA. I knew what achieving my lofty goal was not going to be easy and that I would need to work hard every day.

So, as a reminder, I created a pyramid of goals that I kept right above my bed. This pyramid reminded me of the accomplishments that I was working towards and visually represented my need to create a solid foundation underneath me before reaching the top. In the bottom roll of my pyramid of goals I listed goals such as obtaining my bachelor’s degree, becoming a scholar athlete award recipient, and becoming an All-American. The middle row listed winning a national title and playing for a professional team. And at the top row, the most challenging of them all, I listed becoming a gold medalist for Team USA.

By understanding that there are smaller stepping stones to achieving my ultimate goal of being on Team USA, I was able to stay motivated and to stay focused on completing the smaller stepping stones fully before moving onto the next one. Now I’ll be the first to admit that not every goal that I listed on my pyramid was accomplished, but seeing my goals every day when I went to bed, I was able to push through the days that I felt like doing nothing in hopes of achieving the bigger picture. Remember, create a clear goal roadmap, assess your goals often, and continue to challenge yourself. I hope that you never stopped dreaming big or reaching for the stars. And I look forward to seeing where your roadmap takes you.

Body Image Lesson Video Transcript

Hi, I’m Kara Winger, Olympic javelin thrower, and true sport athlete. Today I want to talk to you about body image and I have three things I’d like you to know. First, healthy thoughts often lead to healthier bodies. Second, there are varying body types and no one’s body is exactly like another. And third, true beauty goes deeper than the skin. As a multi-time Olympian, I’ve experienced a lot of variation and progression in my training. My coaches and I adapt to my training frequently, all with the goal of supporting my long-term success and health in the sport of javelin. I’m talking to you about body image today because sometimes even with the best of intentions and a common goal in mind, the changes you make to your training habits can prove to be detrimental if made for the wrong reasons. In the lead up to the 2012 Olympic trials, I was told in order to improve my performance on the field, I should try to become a leaner, skinnier version of myself.

So I changed my diet. I went along with what I was being told to do, even though I’d had great success at a slightly heavier weight and higher body fat percentage, and became much leaner than ever before. It seemed like a successful change at first, but I didn’t have nearly the results I’d had before. And I believe becoming leaner than my body naturally wanted to be was what caused my ACL to tear. In the end, it cost me heavily going into the 2012 London games. The takeaway for me, and hopefully for you, is that it’s important to know what works for you and your body and to not compare yourself to others. You should do your research and experiment with your diet to find what makes you feel the best, rather than focusing on what you look like. Today, if I feel like having a chocolate chip cookie, I have one, just not every day.

I’ve learned what a properly balanced meal for my body looks like and I recognize food as the fuel that keeps me throwing. I hydrate and allow myself time to recover. And I listen to and communicate with my body so that I can be the best version of myself. In the end, you are in control of how you see, treat, and respond to your body. We only get one and it’s amazing to discover how many things our bodies can do. Be a true sport athlete. Love who you are in this moment and get excited for all the places your body will take you.

A Good Sport Lesson Video Transcript

Hi, I’m Izy Isaksen, Team USA, Modern Pentathlon, Olympian, US Army Sergeant, and True Sport Ambassador. Today, I want to talk to you about being a good sport. There are three things I’d like you to know. First, real winners act the same toward their opponent, whether they win or lose. Second, follow the rules and be a gracious winner and respectful loser. And third, sportsmanship reveals your true character.

I started competing in Modern Pentathlon eight years after my older sister and three-time Olympian, Margaux Isaksen, began competing. I soon realized that people often compared the two of us. I would overhear spectators and teammates asking, “Who’s the better athlete,” and “Who’s going to beat the other.” Instead of letting outside pressures create a negative experience for us, I chose to practice winning and losing with grace and respect. I know that it would have been easy to let our hyper competitive mindset affect our relationship, but instead we decided to support and cheer for each other, regardless of our own performance. My experience of competing against and being compared to my older sister, taught me to focus on how to perform at my best, rather than putting wasted energy into wishing for others to fail.

I believe that sportsmanship reveals true character. So, no matter what situation I encounter during competition, I know it’s important to always treat people with respect and be a good sport. Remember, be a fierce competitor, find grace in all your victories and losses. And I hope to see you out there.

What Kind of Coach Do You Want to Be? Video Transcript

Edwin Moses: You’re a coach. Maybe what you want is very simple, for everyone to just run in the right direction, score for their own team, to try and try again and again. Maybe you want your athletes to become all stars. You want them to earn trophies, medals, win titles. You want them to reach the highest height their sport allows. And wanting all of that, of course, that’s good. But as every great coach discovers, developing a great athlete means nurturing, nurturing the even greater person within. Truth is, you have even more influence than you know.

You have the ability to affect even deeper change, to take what’s in your hands and do something even more extraordinary. You can be both the coach who provides the skills needed to win the game and the coach who helps them learn and succeed beyond the sport, to become all stars wherever they land in the future, and to enjoy their lives more now, because the confidence and courage they find working with you will stay with them when they need it the most. There are games to be won, lives to change. Coaches have the power to do both.

I’m Edwin Moses, and the lessons I’ve learned through sport have challenged me, guided me, and shaped my life forever. What kind of coach do you want to be?

THE SIMPLE TRUTH: DECODING THE SUPPLEMENT INDUSTRY VIDEO TRANSCRIPT

At first glance, dietary supplements look the same. They seem safe and healthy, but just because the label says a product is a dietary supplement, that doesn’t mean it’s safe. Unfortunately, you can’t tell whether a product is safe or not just by looking at the label. Most vitamins, minerals, fish oil, and other supplements containing nutrients are probably just fine, but supplements are not evaluated or approved by FDA before they are sold. Although it is rare for vitamins or minerals to be contaminated with drugs, there has been at least one case of a vitamin containing an anabolic steroid.

At the other extreme are products that contain drugs, stimulants, anabolic steroids, or other hormones. Even though these are not technically dietary supplements, many of them are labeled as supplements. For example, body-building products sometimes contain anabolic steroids or Selective Androgen Receptor Modulators, known as SARMs, or other hormones. Some pre-workout or energy products contain illegal stimulants like DMAA, ephedra, or other amphetamine-like stimulants. Weight loss products might contain prescription drugs like sibutramine, or hormones, like human chorionic gonadotropin, also known as hCG. All natural or herbal sexual enhancement products might contain hormones or Viagra-like drugs. Products like these can harm your health and career, but they’re for sale online, in some nutrition stores, and they’re labeled as dietary supplements.

When you pick up a supplement, especially one that promises performance enhancement, you don’t know if it belongs in the “Mostly O.K.” pile or in the “Dangerous” pile. After all, two products might look the same, but one might contain just amino acids and other legitimate ingredients, while the other also contains anabolic steroids. Because of this, FDA has issued a warning about certain categories of supplements: body building products, weight loss products, and sexual enhancement products. Be extremely careful when considering a supplement in one of these categories. We strongly recommend that you avoid products in these categories.

Even when FDA tests supplements and finds dangerous ingredients, companies sometimes refuse to recall them. Sometimes, they simply repackage their product and continue selling it under a new name. Just because a product is on a store shelf doesn’t mean it is safe. You need to do your research and be an informed consumer. The dietary supplement industry is enormous. Supplements that appear to be safe could actually be dangerous products in disguise. If you use dietary supplements without doing your research, you may be taking serious risks with your health and your career. Please visit USADA’s Supplement 411 for more information about dietary supplements.