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Why Coaches Bully And What To Do

  • September 20, 2016
  • Bullying Prevention
CoachesEducatorsParents

By: Dimity McDowell

View from behind of female coaching yelling at team on field.Content Warning: This article contains mentions of bullying.

JC always loved to run. She pinned on her first race bib at age six and in middle school was recruited to train with the high school’s junior varsity team. When she finally entered a suburban Denver high school, she was ready to see how well she could perform. “I wasn’t the star of the team, but I was a strong runner who qualified to run at state meets,” JC says.

JC’s body didn’t react well to the strength training regimen the head coach had the team on—she sustained chronic knee injuries—and she knew she wasn’t in the favored-crowd of athletes he liked to coach. But she powered through, letting her love of running trump how she was being treated.

At a track meet her junior year, the wind and rain were relentless. Still, the meet went on, and JC’s relay team won their race. Excited by winning in such trying circumstances, she asked her coach for feedback. “I don’t exactly recall all he said: the idea was that he expected more from me because I was captain of the team,” she says. “But I definitely remember the final words that came out of his mouth: ‘You suck.’”

 

Coach-on-Athlete Bullying Is Not Uncommon

If such hurtful words coming from a high school coach’s mouth feel jarring to you, you’re not alone. But bullying situations like this are not as rare as you might think.

“Coach-to-player bullying is more prevalent than we’d like to admit,” says Randy Nathan, MSW, and author of Bullying in Sports. “It’s primarily allowed because old-school coaching styles still prevail. Win at all costs. Focus on the scoreboard. Very few coaches will forfeit a game to give a twelve-year-old a chance to play.” He adds that, while no sport is immune to bullying, male-dominated sports like football and baseball tend to have more incidents of inappropriate behavior.

What’s more, the coach/athlete relationship is inherently unbalanced. When the coach is a positive, supportive role model who understands where his players are developmentally, there tends to be minimal issues. When pressure to win—be it from the coach’s own drive or athletic experience, the athletes, parents of the athletes, or another source—becomes paramount, “the coach no longer sees the athlete as a real person,” says Mark Hamilton, Ph.D., a philosophy professor at Ashland University in Ashland, Ohio who teaches a sports ethics class. “The child becomes humiliated and is afraid to talk about it, so he typically just withdraws. He might even quit the sport but not give a reason.”

JC didn’t withdraw. “I fought back,” she says, “My mom and I met with school administrators and the principal, but nobody seemed to care.” They also met with the coach, who told them that he, “only trains winners.” Plagued with injuries and overly frustrated, JC finally quit track her senior year. “The training and pressure proved to be too much,” she says.

Nathan isn’t surprised that the coach wasn’t immediately fired. “I’ve experienced a bullying coach with my son, and it’s taken over a year to deal with,” he says (and the coach was later reinstated).

 

What To Do If Your Coach Is A Bully

Still, there are steps you should take if you suspect—or see—your child being bullied by a coach.

  • Gauge how your child is interacting with their sport. Is she reluctant to go to practice, even though she loves the sport? And talk to them beyond, “How was practice today?” Ask about how they feel at practice, how they are being treated there, and if the coach behaves like their teachers do. (“You’d never expect a teacher to openly embarrass a kid in front of their peers in a math class by yelling out their test scores or calling them dumb, yet you give that person a whistle, and suddenly they have the power to demean and humiliate,” says Nathan.)
  • Show up at practice. You don’t have to hover on the sidelines all the time, but show up a few minutes before it’s over and see what’s going on. As the NCAA Faculty Athletics Representative at Ashland, Hamilton checks in on practices regularly. “Closed practices and unsupervised coaches can breed bullying,” he says.
  • Talk to the coach about their behavior. Start the conversation lightly, and ask their thoughts about the team and an upcoming game; don’t dive right into the controversy. “A coach who doesn’t want to talk to parents is a red flag,” says Nathan. “Again, you expect to be able to talk to your child’s teacher about their school performance. You should expect the same from a coach, who is also an educator.”
  • Go to the organizational body or school officials if their behavior doesn’t change­—or are unwilling to talk. “Recording video or audio of the coach misbehaving is most effective,” advises Nathan.
  • Finally, realize that most players don’t want to play for bullying coaches. For younger players, remove your athlete from the team and find another sport or team where the coach is a better fit. If your child is in high school, have them begin a conversation among their teammates about standing up to the coach and forfeiting games.

Upon attending college, JC reignited her love of running, logging miles and doing speedwork on the track like she used to do. She took on a half-marathon, and finished first in her age group.

“Even though it was difficult, I couldn’t stop smiling,” she says, “I was ecstatic to be back out where I belong.”

—

By: Dimity McDowell
A longtime sports + fitness writer who has written for ESPN: The Magazine, Sports Illustrated, and a range of other publications, Dimity McDowell is the co-founder of Another Mother Runner and the co-author of a trilogy of mother runner books. She lives in Denver with her husband, two kids, and one dog. Find her on Twitter @dimityontherun.

 

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Goal-Setting Lesson Video Transcript

Hi. I’m Trevon, Trey, Jennifer. Team USA wheelchair basketball player, paralympian, and true sport athlete. Today, I want to talk to you about goal setting. And there are three things that I would like you to know. First, successful athletes set goals and a planned roadmap. Second, goals should be written down, assessed over time, and changed if necessary. And third, goals need to be challenging in order to be worthwhile. As a freshmen at Edinboro University, I was a part of a team that made the national championship game. And at that time I recognized I was the low man on the totem pole, but I felt in my heart that I knew my dreams were so much bigger than winning a national title. I wanted to make Team USA. I knew what achieving my lofty goal was not going to be easy and that I would need to work hard every day.

So, as a reminder, I created a pyramid of goals that I kept right above my bed. This pyramid reminded me of the accomplishments that I was working towards and visually represented my need to create a solid foundation underneath me before reaching the top. In the bottom roll of my pyramid of goals I listed goals such as obtaining my bachelor’s degree, becoming a scholar athlete award recipient, and becoming an All-American. The middle row listed winning a national title and playing for a professional team. And at the top row, the most challenging of them all, I listed becoming a gold medalist for Team USA.

By understanding that there are smaller stepping stones to achieving my ultimate goal of being on Team USA, I was able to stay motivated and to stay focused on completing the smaller stepping stones fully before moving onto the next one. Now I’ll be the first to admit that not every goal that I listed on my pyramid was accomplished, but seeing my goals every day when I went to bed, I was able to push through the days that I felt like doing nothing in hopes of achieving the bigger picture. Remember, create a clear goal roadmap, assess your goals often, and continue to challenge yourself. I hope that you never stopped dreaming big or reaching for the stars. And I look forward to seeing where your roadmap takes you.

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Hi, I’m Kara Winger, Olympic javelin thrower, and true sport athlete. Today I want to talk to you about body image and I have three things I’d like you to know. First, healthy thoughts often lead to healthier bodies. Second, there are varying body types and no one’s body is exactly like another. And third, true beauty goes deeper than the skin. As a multi-time Olympian, I’ve experienced a lot of variation and progression in my training. My coaches and I adapt to my training frequently, all with the goal of supporting my long-term success and health in the sport of javelin. I’m talking to you about body image today because sometimes even with the best of intentions and a common goal in mind, the changes you make to your training habits can prove to be detrimental if made for the wrong reasons. In the lead up to the 2012 Olympic trials, I was told in order to improve my performance on the field, I should try to become a leaner, skinnier version of myself.

So I changed my diet. I went along with what I was being told to do, even though I’d had great success at a slightly heavier weight and higher body fat percentage, and became much leaner than ever before. It seemed like a successful change at first, but I didn’t have nearly the results I’d had before. And I believe becoming leaner than my body naturally wanted to be was what caused my ACL to tear. In the end, it cost me heavily going into the 2012 London games. The takeaway for me, and hopefully for you, is that it’s important to know what works for you and your body and to not compare yourself to others. You should do your research and experiment with your diet to find what makes you feel the best, rather than focusing on what you look like. Today, if I feel like having a chocolate chip cookie, I have one, just not every day.

I’ve learned what a properly balanced meal for my body looks like and I recognize food as the fuel that keeps me throwing. I hydrate and allow myself time to recover. And I listen to and communicate with my body so that I can be the best version of myself. In the end, you are in control of how you see, treat, and respond to your body. We only get one and it’s amazing to discover how many things our bodies can do. Be a true sport athlete. Love who you are in this moment and get excited for all the places your body will take you.

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I believe that sportsmanship reveals true character. So, no matter what situation I encounter during competition, I know it’s important to always treat people with respect and be a good sport. Remember, be a fierce competitor, find grace in all your victories and losses. And I hope to see you out there.

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You have the ability to affect even deeper change, to take what’s in your hands and do something even more extraordinary. You can be both the coach who provides the skills needed to win the game and the coach who helps them learn and succeed beyond the sport, to become all stars wherever they land in the future, and to enjoy their lives more now, because the confidence and courage they find working with you will stay with them when they need it the most. There are games to be won, lives to change. Coaches have the power to do both.

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At first glance, dietary supplements look the same. They seem safe and healthy, but just because the label says a product is a dietary supplement, that doesn’t mean it’s safe. Unfortunately, you can’t tell whether a product is safe or not just by looking at the label. Most vitamins, minerals, fish oil, and other supplements containing nutrients are probably just fine, but supplements are not evaluated or approved by FDA before they are sold. Although it is rare for vitamins or minerals to be contaminated with drugs, there has been at least one case of a vitamin containing an anabolic steroid.

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