Do you know how to best support your athlete? Roberta Kraus, PhD, shares how you can start the conversation with your athlete about what they need to perform at their best.
Learn more about Roberta Kraus.
Video Transcript
I get pulled in to go to like schools before the start of the school year and talk to all the parents. I get asked by some high schools to go and film the parents in the stands during an athletic event, and then the parents watch the film. I talk about their behavior, because every time there’s an athletic event, there’s four performers that show up. There’s the athletes doing the sport, or athlete. There’s the coach or coach of that athlete. There’s the officials, referees. And then, their parents in the stands. And so, when parents say to me, “Dr. Roberta, how do we best support our kid with anxiety?”
I say, “I will give you this answer, but don’t ask this question unless you’re willing to carry out the answer. Here’s the answer.” I say to these parents, “We all have those moments when we’re either having breakfast on a Saturday morning, maybe we’re driving to a store or running some errands and we’re having one of those golden conversations with our athletic son or daughter. Don’t need to go write it down in a memory book because it just sits right here, and you wish the store is another 10 miles away. But the way the conversation is going, this is one of those golden parent moments. And you recognize when you’re in one of those ‘coachable’ moments, and this is what you ask your athletic daughter or son. ‘Honey, how can I, how can Dad and I, how can Mom and I best support you at your games?’ But you don’t dare ask that question unless you’re ready to carry out the answer, because you might not like the answer.” So, they might say, “I wish wouldn’t sit together.”
They might say, “I wish Dad would just put tape over his mouth and you go to ACE Hardware Store and get two inches of gray tape and put it there.” Here’s a great example. I had a senior in high school. This family is a big golfing family. And he made the varsity golf team. So, the parents went to his first golf match and they loved it, because both parents are working people and it was like a date outdoors. Because when you go to a golf match, you’re going to walk for maybe two, three, four hours. You can’t say anything to your kid. You can only clap once in a while. So, here you are walking with your spouse, your main squeeze. You’re outdoors, you’re on the golf course, which you love, and you’re thinking, “Oh my God, is this going to be a blast or what?”
And their son came home after his first golf match and the mother said, “I’m going to practice this technique.” And she said to this young man, “How can Dad and I best support you this season in golf? Because we’re so excited to be out there. We’re going to very nice golf courses that we can’t afford to pay to play.” This son says, “I don’t want to come to my golf matches.” It was devastating. So, the parents made a deal with this son. They said, “I’ll tell you what. We won’t go to a single golf tournament if when you come home, will you give us 15 minutes of your time? Tell us conditions of the course, what holes you like best, what were your favorite clubs, how do you enjoy the team with the other guys you played with. And at the very end, you tell us what your score was, and the school score. If you do that, we won’t come to a single match.”
That was my husband and I, and our son, Steven, when he was a senior at St. Mary’s High School. And we did not go to a single one of his matches all the way through state tournament to support what he said. And usually when I say that story, the parents go, “Whoa, you practice what you preach.” But it’s just, it’s a tough question. Now, some kids turn around and say, “Mom, keep making those posters. The kids love your brownies.” And I have had some parents say to me, “I’m not ready to ask that question yet.” Because they’re afraid of the answer.
