Expert Series: Roberta Kraus on Goals and Expectations

So many times, parents’ coaches don’t really understand how to motivate an athlete. And when you’re trying to motivate with extrinsic things, you won’t be able to get your driver’s license or you’re going to have your car taken away, you’re going to get to have a car, you’re going to get to take this trip. Extrinsic motivation is short-lived. You have to be able to think about intrinsic motivation. What is going to get the athlete internally? What for them?

And so, what I try to coach parents about, in terms of trying to motivate their athlete, is find out what motivates them, and think about how they can set both the reward and consequence that works for them. I was working with a local football team, and they’re getting ready to have their rival homecoming game against another high school in town. The coach has asked me to come in. And I came in, and I sat down with the athletes, I said, “I want you to go home tonight, and I want each of you…” This was on a Wednesday night. The game was on a Friday night. “I want you to do a talent review and write a letter to your coaches. And the letter’s about what are you going to deliver in your performance Friday night that’s you at your best?”

So, I used an athlete as an example, and I got permission from this athlete to do it ahead of time. He was a big frontline tackle guy. And I said, “What are you like when you don’t play well?” “Well, I keep my head down, hesitate off the line. And when a bigger guy comes at me, I usually put my hands like this, and I just wait for the hit.” Very, very reactive. And I said, “If you were to play your best skill football that you can do right now today, Friday night, what would we see in your performance?” And he explained what he would do.

Okay. Good goal-getting type conversation. But we haven’t completed the formula. We have to motivate you to want to do that. And so, I said, “So, if you were to carry out and do just that, what would be a great reward for you?” He says, “Well, I love when mom makes a homemade pie from scratch, and I love when I can sleep inside. I would ask that I can sleep in on Sunday morning under my electric  blanket, and we’d have homemade apple pie Sunday night.” Now, to somebody else, that might not be a big deal. I’m allergic to apples. Oh, gross. I don’t want that. But for this athlete to can pick out this would be great. I said, “Okay, equally important. What is a punishment? What is something you’d have to do? Again, not something taken away or… But what would you have to do that you would hate?” He says, “Well, again, Sunday’s the only day I can sleep in. We go to church at 9:00, but I would make myself get up early, and I would go down to the college, and I’d run two laps before church on Sunday morning.”

Well, that punishment was so God awful, he didn’t dare not do what he said he was going to do. The reward was so excited, he couldn’t wait to show what he could do. So, you have to set up a challenge and a consequence and reward that fits for the athlete. They come up with that, that they [inaudible] do that. And I can tell you, this high school played that game. They won that game. After the game, you could see all the players, they threw up their letters in the air. They’re on the envelope. And the coach made comment to the paper about how we each took accountability to set some goals, and it worked.